Developing Emotional Resilience
Through the years, clients have come to work with me on challenges they have in facing difficulties or adapting to change. We have worked on their emotional resilience which enabled them to shift their thinking when they needed to, and feel more in control of themselves.
Emotional Resilience is having the strength you need to handle what life gives us and the changes in our lives. The APA (American Psychological Association) defines Resilience as: “the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult and challenging life experiences…”
Here are some ways to develop your resilience:
Assume the best about people
Each of us looks at the world a little differently. It's important to remember that there isn't a Right and Wrong and there is room for each of us with our own unique ways.
Shift your negative attitude
Your attitude will color the situation and relationship with people. A negative attitude gives things a rough start. If you're open and think positively, you're likely to start things off in a positive direction.
Think win-win
If you work towards an outcome where everyone wins, you and the other person will be working together to help each other. Cooperation is much more rewarding and satisfying than competition. It feels good to help each other out.
Ask questions
We often make the mistake of thinking that we know someone better than we really do. When we care about someone we might think that they're just like us, ignoring the differences. The way to find out about a person’s beliefs and preferences is to ask!
Let yourself feel compassion (feelings of warmth and caring)
Feeling compassion for someone feels good to them and it feels good to you.
Don’t forget to breathe
Foster optimism
Optimism is allowing yourself to expect favorable outcomes. It allows you to see the world clearly and also to believe in your abilities. Feeling optimistic encourages other people to feel optimism too.
Face your fears
All of us have fears. Allowing yourself to face them increases your sense of agency in the world. Hiding from your fears makes it worse. Facing them helps you overcome them.
Look for resilient role models
Who do you want to follow? Who have been bold enough to take risks and move forward even though it may be stressful or scary? Who will you leave behind? Remind yourself that you have the capacity to be a future role model as you develop yourself.
Physical fitness
Exercise helps to adapt your body to stress. Moving is good for your physical health and it's good for your emotional health and resilience.
Be a lifelong learner
Keep your brain sharp and solutions will come more easily to you. Let your curiosity and creativity guide you as you move forward. Don't let age get in the way.
Laugh!
Being upbeat will be helpful, it feels good and energizes you.
Have meaning in your life
Think about your purpose. It is uniquely yours. It can be fulfilling to you.
Lucy Hone, a psychology researcher in N.Zealand, who has suffered through her own adversity, suggests three things to build your resilience:
Recognize that suffering is part of life. When something awful happens, remind yourself that terrible things happen to everyone. It’s not just you.
Focus on what you can change, and recognize what you can’t. Be true to who you are. Think of things you can be grateful for.
Ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing helping or harming me?” Use your best judgement about this. Focus on you and your needs as you answer this.
Through the years, clients have worked with me on how to feel good about their lives. They've made gratitude journals, and looked at their appreciations of themselves and others. They've looked at things they like about themselves.
Here's an activity suggested by the American psychologist Martin Seligman, a leader in positive psychology.
Activity: Think of 3 good things that happened to you today. Start a practice of doing this every day.